Ms Rakhi Sawant

Well, well, it’s time for some witches’ or bitches brew – double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble – now even Shakespeare would turn in his grave if he had to hear about the antics of one Ms Rakhi Sawant and her beau Abhishek Awasti and what we just found out.


Since Ms Sawant and Mr Awasti decided to file an FIR with the Oshiwara Police Station against “some unknown persons for rigging and false SMS voting against the couple, causing their expected, oophs, sorry, sorry yaar, unexpected defeat, in a popular program on Star, we decided to get our own Sherlock Holmes and Hercule Poirot– for those who didn’t know this, Indian sniffer dogs are better than the phirangi ones – ask the Mumbai Crime Branch if you don’t believe us), and Nancy Drew (The Bollywood Bitch) and of course the grand dame of detection, Miss Marple (the Indian Bitch) into the act - actually, Mr Rakesh Maria who heads the Mumbai Crime Branch actually asked us for our help – since he was busy keeping the peace and ensuring that apna munda Mika didn’t get too close to sweet hearts Koena and Tannu while they shake their stuff….


So we went around sniffing and bitching and got all the gully ka kuttas and kuttis on the job. And what did we find out: hold your breath guys – Ms Sawant and Mr Awasti and their representatives had actually approached our friends at Alpha (the popular cell phone store at Irla, in suburban Mumbai) asking them how this SMS rigging and flooding thing works.


Well Ibrahimbhai and Hitesh and Hitenbhai and all our friends at Alpha know how to procure the cheapest cell phones (grey or white or black or crimson or golden, notwithstanding) but didn’t know much about this rigging, shigging SMS thing.


So they asked Mr Awasti’s representatives to meet one Mr X - who has his adda in a next door mall and is an expert at cracking phone lock codes and re-flashing the RAM of cell phones, (required when your phone software gets corrupted) or installing special software for special ops on your cell phone.


So M/s Sawant and Awasti and co trooped off to the mall next to Alpha, which also houses some kind of Horror House and asked them for help. Apparently, our khabri tells us that they were willing to pay real big bucks to rig the show themselves, as Ms Sawant wanted to win at all costs.


According to our sources, Rakhi approached several “specialists” to “help” her win the contest through their co-operation and support and dexterity with SMS gateways and SMS messaging servers. In fact, Rakhi learnt so much in the process that she even knows that Jataayu is not only the mythical bird, but is also the name of a software product for SMS and WAP gateways. Don’t ask us how we know all this, dear reader… tsk tsk…. We have done a very very thorough investigation, friends…


And Ms Sawant’s former manager has even turned approver and told Mr Hercule Poirot and Mr Sherlock Holmes something that was really elementary: Rakhi Sawant had demanded a contract with the Star fellas promising her that she would be declared the winner of the contest even before agreeing to participate. The Star guys had apparently assured Rakhi that they would ensure that she was amongst the two final couples, but had refused to promise her the Cat’s Crown. This was also confirmed by our sources at Star, who of course refused to go on record.


Not to be deterred, Rakhi herself had tried to rig the voting counters by flooding the system with artificially generated SMSes, as she didn’t trust the Star chaps and had an inkling from day one that both she and Abhishek were being “used” by the channel and that the channel would “ensure” that she finally “lost”.


However, things didn’t work out the way Rakhi intended or fervently prayed for. When the Star technical team determined that there was a flood of artificially generated SMS messages coming Rakhi’s way, at the last moment, they decided to take matters into their own hands. They shut down the voting lines well before time (at least before the expected time) and declared the other couple the winners, leaving Rakhi to sulk and tear her hair out.